Dear Sweet BB’s,
Today is a special thoughtful day to me!! It was one of the happiest days of my life by far on this day in 2003. I don’t call it a sad day now because it gave me a gift that death can not take away. Believe me I waited patiently or somewhat outwardly patiently for this day for 5 long years. On this day Hugh Smith finally married me. We did it quietly without any pomp or circumstance just Hugh and myself and my precious pink dress.
You know how people always ask, “If your house is on fire, what would you want to save?” For me it would without a doubt be Hugh’s big book. For yall that have not been blessed to live with a recovered alcoholic, it’s their go to book with great knowledge and I would say almost magical book with insights and hope and wisdom. It is filled with stories of redemption and hope and families being put back together and forgiveness and acceptance and all manner of goodness. But what is the most wonderful about this leather bound book that still has a slight whiff of cigarette smoke is that I got to see this book lived out during our lives together.
One of my favorite and last pictures of Hugh was him holding his big book to show someone a passage and a friend caught him just right. If you knew my husband then you would know that he lived out what he learned and passed it along to so many many people. I wanted to share just a few of the things that he taught me not by telling me but by living it.
I wish I knew the count of how many men sat on our back porch reading the big book, praying, laughing, crying and growing with my husband. One of his main tenants that he lived , was that you can not keep what you will not give away. He believed that our whole mission, our whole purpose was to show other humans love and acceptance and let them work through their not so great parts. He reminded me many times to NOT take a snapshot of a person’s worst moments or times and decide that was who he was. According to him that person is a child of God just like he was and deserved to be treated that way.
Another principle that he lived by was making sure that when he was wrong he promptly admitted it. He knew that how he treated others was his sole responsibility and NO ONE should ever be worse off for knowing him or being around him. I watched him apologize so many times when he felt that he was wrong and the fact that the other person also may be wrong was not his concern. He was always interested in cleaning up his side of the street.
Mother Theresa said if you want to change the world, go home and love your family. Hugh Smith was a champion at this. He did not save his kindness for those outside his family he started at home. He treated me with so much kindness and love and found my defects and not so great traits adorable. He NEVER ever tried to change me and reminded me that I was God’s handiwork and always pointed out all the things that I did right and seemingly missed all my scatterbrained and lack of housekeeping skills or really any skills remotely related to domestication. He always magically knew that what he focused on grew so he focused on the parts that he thought were my gifts.
Every time I left the house he would say to me, ‘Go out and do your angel work.” I still hear that in my heart many times when I walk out that door. It was a happy trigger and it reminds me that the words we use with each other are powerful and remain with us forever.
Hugh was an honorable man and I was so proud to tell people he was my husband. I could hardly believe my great fate. To be married to someone who is quite different from me in so many ways. Hugh was always calm, I was always in flight, Hugh was patient and still, I was never still, Hugh kept his area neat and tidy, I looked like I was living in a drunken dorm room. Hugh unpacked his suitcase on the way in the door from a trip and mine stayed open and splayed for 3 months after the trip. Hugh took his time with everything, I acted as though I had only a moment or two to live this one beautiful life. We were different in almost every way conceivable and when people found out we were married they were shocked!!!
What they did not see is that the most important thing was our spiritual center. Hugh Smith encouraged me and believed in me and loved loved loved that I wanted to love the world. He wanted to love the world maybe a little more quietly and slowly than me but he did it one man at a time on our back porch. When people were in a horrible place he celebrated that because his belief was that whatever brought us to God was a good thing. On our wall in our office is a sign that says, “Love is the school and life is the lesson.” I got to live that each and every day and for that I will always be grateful.
So today is a precious day to me!!! When I hear people talk about him I still smile that big proud smile and am so very very thankful that my sweet and slow turtle of a man finally married me on this day all those years ago. I spent this morning reading his big book and paying close attention to all the underlined parts and so very thankful that I got to see them lived out!!!
Thanks for allowing me to love all of you!!!!!!!
Karen Key Smith, most proud of the Smith part
ps. I am trying to find that Picture of Hugh and his book book so stay tuned for that!!
