Leadership Will Break Your Heart — But It Doesn’t Have to Break Your Spirit
Have you ever wanted to do something at the same time you were afraid to do that thing? And you know you were born to do that thing, and you wanted to be good at that thing before putting in the work. Yeah me neither!!!! I was afraid to write this week, so I did not. But I am letting go of that fear and choosing courage today in this darling coffee shop.
Hey, have you ever been forced by life and circumstances to make tough decisions that you knew others would fight you on, and that would also possibly hurt another one of God’s sweet kids? Yes, I must admit I have to do more of that than I care to admit. But I am so resistant to it, and even when I know the right thing is in front of me, I revert to people pleasing and trying to find any other answer than the apparent one before me. And the thing about decisions — they are not always right, but as a leader they are always mine to make.
So many things I don’t understand about life, and especially when I have to make awful decisions as a leader. I put it off, I make excuses, I procrastinate, I deflect. And when I finally make the decisions, I know I have to face the myriad of reactions to that decision. So how in the heck do you do this life without upsetting others and disappointing others? The truth and the answer is that you don’t.
As an over-responsible human, I feel responsible many times for everything, and because I am looking at everything, I miss the thing. I am learning to realize that I am not in charge of the whole world, just my slice of the world. People are so wonderful and so lovely and so resilient, but they can be unkind and cruel and not gracious. I think the latter must come from a place of deep pain and fear, but I cannot fall into it with them.
I have a hard time understanding that, and I assume that if others knew the deepest part of my heart, they would not question. But as a leader, I have to get comfortable with the discomfort and the ridicule and the questioning.
At the lowest time this past week, a friend knew my heart was heavy. He could hear it in my voice and see it in my spirit. He said to me, “Karen, the best part of you is your spirit. Don’t let anything take it away from you.” And the truth is, if I am to do what I am put here to do, I must move through the turbulent waters and be okay with things not being okay. I also must be okay with people not being okay with me. What I cannot do is stop caring for all that God has entrusted to me, and sometimes that does not look like others wish it looked.
With God’s help the world will keep spinning, and I can keep leading with my heart and also my head as it takes it all. I am so thankful for those that know my heart and see it, and I am also thankful for those that have not, because it requires I reach really deep down to impact the world as I wish to.
Grateful,
Karen Key Smith
