Author’s Note: This is a portion of a talk I gave and something I felt was worth reflecting on a little longer. Last week we talked about the power of our words, and this week I am focusing on the truth that we cannot wait for joy. We choose it and practice it now. This was certainly not my only lesson in learning to find joy in spite of difficult circumstances, but perhaps it was one of my most impactful. I pray that you learn to practice joy too, because it seems to me that joy really is a practice. The more I practice it, the more I have, and the more I have, the more I have to give away.
When I was trying to decide what three truths I wanted to leave behind when my time was done, the three came to me easily because all I had to do was take a glance back at my life. I knew that from an early age, words of encouragement and affirmations via great books shaped me. I also knew quite well that my second truth was: Don’t wait for joy, choose it and practice it now.
I had read all those books, and a central theme kept appearing. I noticed that joyful people who accomplished things seemed to know that adversity was not just part of it. Adversity, many times, was the way. The lessons in the adversity were the very things that made you realize that gratitude for what you did have was a multiplier.
In my life, there was no better teacher than learning how to live a good and happy life in the midst of addiction. My younger life prepared me, but nothing packed enough of a punch to help me when my own sons were racked with addiction. Sheldon especially took every bad road that addiction takes you on, and I felt powerless. There were days that I did not want to get out of bed and felt like I had failed at the one thing, my one assignment. I was completely powerless.
Turns out, as soon as I admitted I was totally powerless over the life of another human, I was able to practice an acceptance that allowed me to live my life in spite of and not because of. I learned through a 12-step program that I could be happy whether my loved one was sober or not. I realized that if my life was dependent on the actions of another human who I have NO control over, then I would be held captive for the rest of my life.
It was not easy, but oh so vital, to learn to give over to a power greater than me and turn my family over as well. The turning over happened over and over again and was not a one and done. Even in sobriety, which I am so grateful for, I know that we have a daily reprieve. I also know that I am not responsible for the sobriety of anyone else.
I learned to use the power of the Serenity Prayer: God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. There were days I said this prayer at least 50 times. There are days that I still do.
Happy people do not wait for life to become perfect. They learn to find joy in the life they have right now.
I know that many of us say, “I will be happy when the kids are older. I will be happy when I graduate. I will be happy when things settle down.” The answer is no, you won’t. If you cannot learn to find joy in the middle of all of it, you never will. I learned that early and many times wished I could learn it without it, but I realize at this point in my life, it was my path.
The greatest joy comes when you realize that you can take the very thing that was your worst thing, and that is the thing that you are best equipped to use to serve the world. The very thing you are most ashamed of or hurt from is the thing that God can use to help you serve. And in the serving, you find a deep and rich purpose. You find joy in the deepest way because you are giving it away.
My family is sober now, but I know that is a one-day-at-a-time thing, and that is really all we have. I choose to spend that one day in deep and abundant gratitude and remember to ask daily for the wisdom to work on the things I can change and release what I cannot.
My joy is full and is not dependent on any circumstance or any one human.
Reflections for the Day
What joy have you been postponing?
What is already good in your life today?
What is one small way you can practice joy before this day is over?
P.S. Stay tuned for truth 3 next week.
